Should You Ask an Autistic Person to Be a Ring Bearer?

The ring bearer and flower girl make an adorable duo for any wedding.

Usually, their ages range from 4 to 10 years. But these days, couples are including toddlers and infants in these roles.

So, should you pick a person with special needs to be your ring bearer? Keep reading to answer that.

So, Should You Pick an Autistic Person to Be a Ring Bearer?

Answer – It depends. It is generally difficult for a small child without special needs to walk down the aisle alone. So, imagine how worse it can be for a child with special needs. Autistic people tend to have triggers. It could be the music, crowded rooms, or even open doors. With such triggers, they’ll have a hard time focusing on the task at hand. He may or may not be upset. The outcome is difficult to predict. Either way, it is a sweet gesture to have an autistic person as your ring bearer.

What to Know Before Picking Someone with Autism as Your Ring Bearer

If you choose a child with autism to be your ring bearer, make sure you have someone else walk with him. That way, they will stay focused and likely won’t be upset.

Also, have the parents stand close by in case of a meltdown.

While it may not occur, it is always good to be prepared.

Then, you could learn about his triggers from the parents and try to address them. For instance, if they are bothered by loud music, you could play it by ear.

Additionally, it is wise to have an open mind.

Remember that this is a person with special needs and needs constant attention

. So, he may not be feeling like it the morning before your wedding. In that case, don’t take it personally. Just have a backup plan for such instances.

Who Should You Choose as Your Ring Bearer?

Ring bearers are mostly young family members like young siblings, the groom’s godchild, the bride’s nephew, second cousins, etc.

You can also pick the maid of honor’s or best man’s child. If the couple has a young child, he could also play this role well.

But what if you are having a kids-free wedding?

Well, you can choose an adult person to be your ring bearer. Even your grandpa can play this role well.

Alternatively, you can include your pets. We’ve seen many cute dogs acting as ring bearers.

Since a ring bearer plays a special role, you must think carefully before picking a person.

Write a list of potential ring bearers and go through it slowly until you decide who suits the role.

If you choose someone else’s child, ask permission from the parents and find out whether the child is fine being in the spotlight.

This is an important task, so ensure you know of any potential issues before the big day.

What’s the Appropriate Age for a Ring Bearer?

There isn’t a standard age for ring bearers. Most couples pick children aged between 2 and ten years.

But some prefer an adult person, especially if they are doing a kid-free wedding.

When choosing kids, don’t forget they can be unpredictable at weddings, particularly young kids.

It’s why it is difficult to have an infant for this role.

Make sure to talk to the parent to see whether they will handle the responsibility. The child may be cute, but will he play the role without having a meltdown?

What Should the Ring Bearer Wear?

That depends on your wedding theme and attire. But, usually, they are dressed like groomsmen.

So if the men are wearing suits, the ring bearer should also wear a suit or tuxedo. But note that factors like the venue and season will influence the ring bearer’s outfit.

For instance, if it is cold, they should wear an outfit protecting them from the cold. If it is warm, the vice versa is true.

When paying for the ring bearer’s outfit, the parent usually caters to the cost.

But if you don’t mind, you can pay for them or give them something like a bow tie or ring pillow as a gift.

You can also provide them with a toy for their participation.

Regardless of who buys the outfit, it is wise to remember that kids grow quickly. Therefore, please do not buy it too soon in case the size changes.

Three Ways to Make Your Wedding Friendly to Autistic Individuals

1. Invitations

You may have some autistic guests coming to your wedding without you knowing they have autism. You cannot tell whether a person is autistic by looking at them.

In this case, it’s best to send a detailed invitation so they know whether they need any adjustments because of their condition.

You could mention the activities of the day and estimated timings.

Autistic people tend to be anxious when they don’t know what will happen next. So, label the plans and inform them of any surprises like sudden fireworks or unannounced events.

2. Seating Arrangement

It is a nice gesture to ask your autistic guests where they prefer seating to reduce anxiety. Please remember that people process being in large crowds differently.

Some may find it overwhelming to be in a room full of chatter, while others are annoyed being under loud music.

You can offer your guests with autism seats close to the exit.

So they can easily slip out when they need a break. Also, provide a separate room or ensure enough space outside that they can unwind.

3. Dining Etiquette

Allow them to see what will be served before other guests.

Food can be one of the triggers for people with autism.

And you don’t want them to get to your reception only to realize there is nothing they can comfortably eat.

Be willing to give them food options like the freedom to bring their own food or offer dietary requirement meals.


An autistic person can be your ring bearer and do this task well. In fact, this is a beautiful gesture. However, it’s important you understand their patterns and triggers so that you aren’t caught off guard.