Why would you’d want to get married in secret?
It could be you’ve met the love of your life and want to get married immediately, or you hate the idea of planning for a large wedding.
While you may have your reasons, you may still feel reluctant about having a secret marriage.
So, Is It Selfish to Get Married in Secret Without Family Present?
Short Answer – No, It’s not. Many people choose this route for various reasons, and most find success getting married this way. However, it may be upsetting to some people.
Remember that people love weddings and want to be part of them, especially when they involve their loved ones.
But on the other side, it is your marriage, and you decide how you want it to be. So, if you have settled on a secret wedding, you will explain your reasons to them later.
What Is A Secret Marriage?
The concept of a secret marriage has gained a lot of popularity. It is the same as a traditional marriage except that it’s done privately.
The couple can still share vows, and they can still be someone officiating the marriage, that is, reading bible verses and foreseeing the exchanging of rings.
Once all the activities are done, individuals can sign the wedding documents to make their marriage official.
The only ones present are the bride, groom, and the officiating person. Friends and family are not present.
Sometimes the couple can decide to do a secret marriage before a judge, especially when they want something quick and cost-saving.
Three Reasons You May Want to Get Married in Secret
As already mentioned, couples opt for a secret marriage for various reasons.
But the main reasons are usually privacy and understanding.
Unlike the previous generations, today’s couples are socially and religiously liberal. So, their beliefs about love, marriage, and other aspects of life are different.
1. Different Religion
For instance, today, individuals do not mind marrying someone from a different religion.
In the past, it wasn’t advised for a protestant to marry a roman catholic, especially without informing their family.
But these days, such marriages are happening each day worldwide. Due to these religious differences, people choose to get married in secret.
2. Desire For Privacy
Privacy is also another big issue. Believe it or not, many celebrities would love their weddings to be intimate and special.
However, this is almost impossible, with paparazzi following them everywhere.
While you may not be famous like that, you may still appreciate privacy on your big day.
But sometimes your family wants to control all the aspects of your wedding, and you may start feeling your privacy is being invaded.
For this reason, many people decide to escape the whole ordeal by getting married secretly.
3. Family Disapproves
Again, another reason you may want a secret wedding is if your family disapproves of your fiancée.
In that case, you may not be comfortable having them present on your big day, so you may decide to elope.
Benefits of a Secret Wedding
1. It’s Cheaper
The main benefit of getting married secretly is that you will save significantly.
You’ll just need to pay for the marriage license and rings, if you go that route.
You won’t need to pay for the venue, invitation, food, and even gown if you don’t want to.
2. Time Saver
Also, you get to save time with a secret wedding.
Planned weddings usually require that you start making arrangements and deposits approximately 12 months in advance so that you are not caught off guard. But a secret wedding is simple.
You need to plan for about a week or so, and some people even do it impulsively.
3, Perfect For Control Freaks
Lastly, this wedding allows you to be in control of your day.
With the other wedding type, your family and friends may want to be part of it to the point that they may overstep.
A secret wedding may be the right choice if you don’t feel like being in that space.
Drawbacks to Getting Married Secretly
While a secret wedding offers various benefits, it also comes with some drawbacks that you must consider.
1. Possible Loneliness
For instance, you may feel lonely, especially if you’d love your family to be present.
Usually, these weddings just involve the judge and the couple getting married, or they may also involve an officiant and a very small number of people.
If you love big celebrations, you may not feel content with this wedding.
2. Regret
Again, you may regret your choice later on. Many parents love to be a part of their children’s weddings.
So most of them would get hurt if they weren’t involved in such celebrations.
If a part of you suspects that you could regret it later on, you may try going through the other options before you finalize things.
Alternatively, you can continue with your plans for a secret wedding and later a traditional one where your family will be present.
How to Plan a Secret Wedding In Four Steps
If you’ve made up your mind, here are some tips to help you plan a secret wedding you will remember.
1. Decide On The Type Of Secret Wedding You Want
There are different types of secret weddings, including civil marriage, private judicial wedding, etc.
So, find out from your jurisdiction which secret wedding they allow and whether you are eligible for each of them before you start making plans.
2. Get Your Papers Ready
Secret weddings involve some documentation. So, you need to get the essential documents in order.
Your identity documents are required when looking for a person to officiate the wedding.
These documents prove that you aren’t married to someone else, and no prohibitions stop you from getting married.
3. Choose Your Venue
With your papers ready, you can now start planning for the wedding. Some people prefer doing it in a courthouse with just the judge.
But you can also do your wedding in your home or hire a venue to cater for your secret wedding.
If you choose a venue, let the manager know that you intend to keep it a secret. They will probably advise you on the best strategies.
4. Keep It A Secret
If you intend to get married secretly, you must learn to keep your wedding a secret.
It may be tempting to tell your best friend or a close relative.
But resist this urge. Remember that once the secret is out, it ceases being a secret wedding, and you may have to deal with family interference.
It’s also worth mentioning that you should prepare for reactions from your close friends and family. Know that everyone will not support your decision, so be prepared for their reaction.
Final Thoughts
It is not selfish to get married without your family. It is your marriage, so you have the right to dictate what you want to happen.
But at the same time, those close to you may be hurt and disappointed if they want to be part of your wedding. So, before making this decision, think carefully.
References
https://theamm.org/articles/1158-planning-a-secret-wedding-is-easier-than-you-think