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Should You Invite Your Birth and Adoption Parents to Your Wedding?

by Sally Wilson

$Congratulations on getting engaged and deciding to start a new life with your partner. The next challenging step is compiling a guest list. If you are hoping for a large wedding and the budget allows, this should not be a problem. But, Should You Invite Your Birth and Adoption Parents to Your Wedding? Family politics and perceived loyalty influence who gets invited to a wedding. Some adoptive parents may feel like a child wanting to meet their birth parents is a betrayal. Whether to invite or not your biological parents is a personal choice. How Do You Decide Whether to Invite Your Biological Parents to Your Wedding? Various factors come to play when making this decision. 1. State Of The Relationship Do they respect you? Are they concerned with your life? These questions will help you foresee how things might turn out during the wedding day if you invite them. If your birth parents are not respectful, it's best to leave them out of your guest list. But if they are and genuinely want to see you happy, consider having them at your wedding. 2. How Do Your Adoptive Parents Feel? Another thing is how comfortable your adoptive parents are with this decision. You don't want to make it seem like you are disrespecting them by inviting your birth parents. It is why it's crucial to have a conversation with them. Please note they may not directly tell you not to invite your biological parents because this isn't something you tell a child to do. But from their reactions, you can decide what to do. Two Considerations When Inviting Both Parents to Your Wedding 1. Arguments Will Happen The first thing to note is that complications are bound to happen during the wedding planning. Expect disagreements and arguments during the whole process. Remember that some people may take your choices personally even though it is your big day. For instance, there may be disagreements on who gets to walk the bride down the aisle. Your adoptive and birth father would love to walk the bride down. You can comprise and have them both walk down the aisle. However, even then, it may come off like the bride is being inconsiderate of her adoptive parent's feelings as they are the people that raised her. 2. Who Will Pay For The Wedding? Another issue may arise if either parent pays for the wedding. Obviously, they may have some control over the guest lists and who plays which role. It is crucial to sit both parties down and come to an understanding so that no one gets hurt or left out. But, regardless of which decision you make, ensure you are happy with it. At the end of the day, it is your wedding, and even though your parents may feel disappointed, they will come around. Is It Wrong Not to Invite Your Parents to Your Wedding? Many people close to their parents cannot imagine walking down the aisle without them being present. So, if you're in a position where you are debating whether to invite them or not, it must be pretty hard for you. But, as we all know, not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. If your relationship is rocky to a point you'd prefer them not to come to your wedding, don't invite them. You should be as comfortable as possible during your wedding day. Therefore, invite people you deem fit to be your guests; these may not be your parents. You should feel supported by your friends and loved ones at your wedding. But if your parents don't support your marriage and could cause a fracas making you and your guests uncomfortable, leave them off the guest list. Provided your parents aren't paying for the wedding, it is entirely up to you and your partner to decide who you want to be present on the wedding day. Who to Invite and Not to Invite to Your Wedding? Immediate family members must be invited to the wedding. But that depends on your relationship with them and how supportive they are of your marriage. If you invite one aunt, all aunts must be invited unless you want to look like you have a favorite. Also, your sibling's spouses and adult nephews and nieces should be included in this list. Your extended family and friends should also form part of the guest list. Other people you may consider inviting are your parent's friends, co-workers, children and plus ones. But this is not a must. It depends on several dynamics. For example, if your parents are paying for the wedding, they may want their friends to be invited. Also, if you are close with the people you work with and have a relationship outside work, it is just nice to have them as your guests. Again, if you're having a kid-free wedding, children may not make part of your guest list. Do the Groom's Parents' Names Appear on the Invitation? Traditionally, the bride's parents' names are written on the wedding invitation requesting the invites to join the couple on their wedding day. This usually shows that the bride's parents catered to all or majority of the expenses of the event. So what happens if the groom's parents also contribute? Should they be included too? Well, if one set of parents is catering to a large portion of the event, their names should appear on the invitation card and the names of the other parents following. It's common to see the groom's parents' names appearing somewhere on the invitation, and it's a proper thing to do if they've contributed to the wedding. Some people list the parents' names on the top of the invitation card as the "hosts" of the day. That way, it prevents family politics leading up to your wedding day. Final Thoughts At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide whether to invite your birth and adoptive parents to your wedding. But our advice would be to weigh things out. If you have any doubt about this decision, you may want to hold off and consult first. Weddings are not places for inter family politics. So please don't give any room to them. References$